What is This Mysterious Substance?

Verve. It's infiltrated our dorm. And none of us know exactly what it is or why there's so much of it.

Hannah was the recipient of two large cases of "Verve" yesterday. She handed them out and we all took sips. Sugar free version: so super gross. Sugared version: still pretty gross.

All of us are confused as to why Hannah has so much of this around. She says that she is going to promote it. How she's doing this is unknown to us. You have to buy the verve, then you give it to people, but then in order to get money back, the people that are given the verve have to also buy verve. Hannah says she went to a meeting about it and is still confused.
Hannah's father has recruited her for this business ordeal, and also supplied the verve.

My personal theory: Mr.Hannah's dad and Hannah are not so innocent. Mr has invented a drink that is extremely hypnotizing and weak-will inducing. Hannah, having consumed Verve while at home over thanksgiving (and now experiencing a verve-induced zombie trance) has been given the task of turning all of us (her suite mates) into Verve zombies too! Her father in his actual identity has an eye patch, leather gloves, and a fluffy Persian cat. He and Hannah sit in a room full of televisions watching as the Verve spreads through cliques, laughing manically the whole time.

Mr. Hannah's dad: MWAH HAHAHHAHAHAH KAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH
Hannah: TWIITTTTTWITTTTLE KEEEEE HEEEEEKLLLLEEEEELLEEP.
Mr. Hannah's dad: that's enough out of you.
Hannah: MRAAAA-
Mr. Hannah's dad: -no. stop.


Sorry Hannah, but I know what you're up to. And for your information, I won't be drinking Verve anymore, even if it does have 9 avocados worth of Vitamin E. Oh...but my skin would look so nice...NO! I must not fall into it's vervy trap!